No one desires depression, anxiety or low self-esteem, yet we sometimes arrive there. I had an arsenal of weapons to combat all unwelcome thoughts or feelings. I'd talk to my loving and encouraging husband. I ran to improve my health and fitness. I got the jobs I wanted, in the industry I wanted. I tasted great food and wine. I travelled. I blew off steam on nights out with music, dancing and alcohol. I cultivated an online brand of "stable and happy wife with a relatively interesting life".

It was in the calm, quiet nights that my guard was down and the depression would descend.

People don't like me. I'm a fraud. I'm not a good person. This is all meaningless.

Everyone desires pleasure, fulfillment and joy. I could never quite get there - wherever "there" was. Some people think they need to find "the one". Well, I have been happily married for several years. I love my husband deeply and (I'm speaking for him here, but...) he loves me. While our marriage has brought joy, laughter and love, it wasn't enough to stop the fear that I was running from. We all realize someday that other people, great careers, humanitarian work, life experiences, academic achievements and cheap thrills can bring some happiness, but they won't fill us the way we hope.

"You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." - Psalm 16:11

“Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” - 1 Peter 8-9

Imagine that you lived in a tiny town in the middle of America that was nowhere near any ocean. All your life you grew up reading stories and watching films about it. You never doubted that it was a real place and looked forward to experiencing it someday. Eventually you move to a coastal town for a new job and one of the first things you do when you arrive there is drive to the nearest beach. When you finally turn a corner, the first glimpse you get of the endless expanse of water takes your breath away. It’s so BIG! You’re already in awe and you haven’t even parked your car yet. When you arrive at the boardwalk and open your door, the wind hits your face, you smell the salt in the air and hear the sounds of waves crashing on the beach. You’re suddenly aware that the ocean is like nowhere else.

As you walk onto the beach you stumble a bit as your shoes awkwardly fill up with sand. You take them off and throw them to the side discovering the sensation of warm sand between your toes as you continue towards the water. As you draw near the strong, moist wind cools your skin from the heat of the sun. The waves are crashing only a few yards away and the edge of the water occasionally tickles your feet. As you look out at the ocean and sky beyond you feel a peace descending and realise that you love the ocean. You could easily live in this moment and gaze out at it forever.

After walking up and down the beach for a while, you see a group of people swimming and enjoying themselves. You notice others surfing, longboarding and snorkeling. Being a confident swimmer already, you’re surprised when a bit of unexpected anxiety creeps up on you. What if you get pulled out to sea? What if there’s sharks in there? You don’t see any lifeguards nearby - what if you hurt yourself and nobody's around to help? You then realise with some relief that you didn’t bring your swimsuit anyway, so you decide to give it a try next time. You recommence enjoying the beach as you were before and commit to come back again next week for a proper dip.

As the week goes by you can’t get the ocean out of your mind. You tell your new friend about it and make a plan to return with them on Saturday. When the day comes, the anticipation has built up in your mind so much that when you arrive you barely pause to put down your towel before running straight to the waters edge. Your reservations from last week have lost their hold on you and within moments you’ve walked in up to your shoulders and are laughing with pleasure at the rising and falling of the waves. The ocean quickly becomes your favorite place on earth and you soon discover the many ways it can be enjoyed.

A year quickly passes and you visit your loved ones back home. You soon discover many others who share with you the same passion for the ocean. Your grandmother used to live in the same town and her whole face lights up as you tell her all of the amazing things you’ve been learning and experiencing. She tells you that once the love of the ocean has permeated your soul, it’s always there, even if you’re hundreds of miles from any beach. To your joy, she plans a trip to visit you there next summer.

One evening you’re chatting with an old friend and because it’s never far from your mind, you mention something about a recent ocean-related-adventure. Your friend looks at you incredulously as she affirms that the ocean only exists in movies and fairytales. They themselves have never seen it and they know many others who agree that it’s a scam to make people leave their town, waste time and money. You try to share your varied experiences, but you soon notice the pitying look growing on her face. She thinks you’ve lost your mind completely.

How can this be? Your friend has known you since grade school! You’ve never been a gullible person, how can they think that you’ve hallucinated an entire year of your life? She tells you that some people just really want the ocean to exist, because they need it to. She explains that the power of the mind and will is strong enough to make it seem real, because they can’t handle the reality of the world. This really throws you for a loop, you didn’t know anyone felt this way about the place you loved so much. Although you experienced in person it for the first time only last year, you grew up knowing that the ocean was a real place, because the evidence was available all around you. Still, you understand there have been countless scams that ruined lives and you can empathise with her wariness.

Your friend has a point about the power of the mind. What she doesn't see is that her mind is suppressing any hope that there's something larger than herself and the life she feels comfortable living. You feel an intense sadness for every rich experience she is willingly rejecting.

You can’t push anyone else to believe the ocean is a real and amazing place, they need to seek it out for themselves. Living there has changed you and people sense that. Fellow ocean enthusiasts recognize your bronzed skin and calm disposition instantly and smile at you with understanding. Others who knew you before you left ask what has changed, so you tell them. Some of them don't believe, while others make plans to visit the coast themselves. It is inexpressible joy every time someone freely joins you on the beach to run into the waves.


Although it’s a vastly incomplete picture, being in Christ can be like this in some ways. Being born again through the Spirit of God by the grace of Jesus’ death and resurrection leaves us forever changed. We know now that God is really real, Jesus is the son of God sent to deliver us from our sins and His word is completely true! We can feel the Father’s love and peace inside our hearts when we put our trust in Him. With veil removed we see the truth of the Gospel and the need for the rest of the fallen world to repent and put their faith in Him. Without a word, trusting in the promises of God clearly displays His love to others. I sometimes forget this and try to take back control of my life - falling straight back into an anxious and judgemental mind. Thankfully, He's always here to nudge us back when we wander from His peace.

Praise the Lord for His patience, mercy and love!

There's something about certain music that completely captivates our souls. Christian worship is our soul delighting in Jesus and expressing praise to him for the true things the Scriptures teach us about who He is and what he has accomplished for us. I've added a few of my recent favourites below!

"Once you see this - that the work of the heart (the emotions) is as important for reflecting the glory of God as the work of the head (understanding) is, then you will begin to see why music and singing is so important for Christian worship. The reason we sing is because there are depths and heights and intensities and kinds of emotion that will not be satisfactorily expressed by mere prosaic forms, or even poetic readings. There are realities that demand to break out of prose into poetry and some demand that poetry be stretched into song." - Singing and Making Melody to the Lord, Desiring God