The book of Proverbs taught me so much about God's perfect wisdom and how He calls us to be. My version of "wisdom" had really let me down over the years. It wasn't nice to realise that the majority of my hardships resulted from my own foolish and prideful behaviour. Two verses in particular stuck in my head:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." - Proverbs 3:5
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight." - Proverbs 9:10
I wanted to be wise and trust in the Lord, but I found it incredibly difficult. I'd relied on my own understanding all my life and giving people advice was one of my favourite pastimes. I always thought that I knew best, even if my life experiences had clearly proven otherwise. I was determined to muster up trust in God, but kept getting stuck on my personal failures. How could God really love someone like me? How could I ever be a good, wise person the way God calls us to be when I'm so completely flawed? I wasn't finding much joy when I looked at the cross and I didn't know how to let go of my desire for control.
When I asked Him to forgive me for everything and to give me the trust and wisdom I couldn't find (I literally begged Him, because I wasn't getting there myself) - He answered. (see: Holy Spirit Gifts) When my eyes were opened by Jesus I saw everything so differently and feeling His loving Spirit gave me such peace. I knew then that He was true to His word.
Despite those first incredible encounters with God, there were and are still times when my emotions fluctuate and doubt creeps back into my mind. I certainly don't wake up in the morning in a state of exultation and joy. I usually wake up sleepy and grumpy in dire need of some java. When they first started happening I'd get confused whenever I felt "normal" again. Where did you go God? Why didn't I always physically feel Him there? He promised that He'd always be with me after all. Full of frustration I pleaded with God over my breakfast to please explain this to me. About five minutes later I read this passage in my devotional:
"Peace is my continual gift to you. It flows abundantly from My throne of grace. Just as the Israelites could not store up manna for the future but had to gather it daily, so it is with My Peace. The day-by-day collecting of manna kept My people aware of their dependence on Me. Similarly, I give you sufficient Peace for the present when you come to me by prayer and petition with thanksgiving. If I gave you permanent Peace, independent of My Presence, you might fall into the trap of self-sufficiency. May that never be! I had designed you to need Me moment by moment. As your awareness of your neediness increases, so does your realisation of My abundant sufficiency. I can meet every one of your needs without draining My resources at all. Approach My throne of grace with bold confidence, receiving My Peace with a thankful heart." - Sarah Young, Jesus Calling
So this frustrating state of mine is part of His plan for me. We're designed to rely on Him everyday for everything. What happened was not a one-time spiritual transaction giving me complete wisdom and peace there onwards (but Christians can look forward to that after this world). We will unfortunately continue to sin in some way everyday. Sanctification is the process by which we grow in the Lord and become spiritually mature. He starts the work of making us like Christ and then continues it throughout our lives. We're called to pursue it earnestly by meditating on and applying the Word as our main priority. I definitely feel God's presence the most when I'm learning and absorbing how awesome He is.
John Piper explains that finding joy in Jesus isn't always easy - it's sometimes a fight against our own worldly nature to keep the fire of our affections burning for Him. It's completely essential that we come to God for help and guidance everyday. Don't fall into the trap and lose sight of what merits your salvation. God’s acceptance of us is totally based on Christ, not our own works. Religion often tells people that God will love us if we follow the law and change ourselves. This is where the good news gets really mixed up! Jesus defeated sin and death already. He makes us good, we do not make ourselves good. If we see our sin and ask for His offered forgiveness and grace then everything good that changes in us after re-birth is the work of God's Spirit in us. We also have the freedom to reject or deny this gift.
"The great gospel weapon in the fight for joy is the rock-solid reality that we are counted righteous in Christ by faith alone. . . . That gospel weapon is powerful only to the degree we keep the basis of our justification free from our own performances. God accepts us on the basis of Christ’s righteousness, not ours. . . . Oh, what a difference it makes to be assured, in the discouraging darkness of our own imperfection, that we have a perfect righteousness — namely, Christ’s." - John Piper, When I Don’t Desire God
How shall we fight for joy?
I found this book to be incredibly helpful. I highly recommend it to every Christian at any stage of their walk with Christ. The main points are below.
How shall we fight for joy?
- Realize that authentic joy in God is a gift.
- Realize that joy must be fought for relentlessly.
- Resolve to attack all known sin in your life.
- Learn the secret of gutsy guilt — how to fight like a justified sinner.
- Realize that the battle is primarily a fight to see God for who he is.
- Meditate on the Word of God day and night.
- Pray earnestly and continually for open heart-eyes and an inclination for God.
- Learn to preach to yourself rather than listen to yourself.
- Spend time with God-saturated people who help you see God and fight the fight.
- Be patient in the night of God’s seeming absence.
- Get the rest, exercise, and proper diet that your body was designed by God to have.
- Make a proper use of God’s revelation in nature.
- Read great books about God and biographies of great saints.
- Do the hard and loving thing for the sake of others (witness and mercy).
- Get a global vision for the cause of Christ and pour yourself out for the unreached
