Craving More
6:44 PM
No one desires depression, anxiety or low self-esteem, yet we sometimes arrive there. I had an arsenal of weapons to combat all unwelcome thoughts or feelings. I'd talk to my loving and encouraging husband. I ran to improve my health and fitness. I got the jobs I wanted, in the industry I wanted. I tasted great food and wine. I travelled. I blew off steam on nights out with music, dancing and alcohol. I cultivated an online brand of "stable and happy wife with a relatively interesting life".
It was in the calm, quiet nights that my guard was down and the depression would descend.
People don't like me. I'm a fraud. I'm not a good person. This is all meaningless.
Everyone desires pleasure, fulfillment and joy. I could never quite get there - wherever "there" was. Some people think they need to find "the one". Well, I have been happily married for several years. I love my husband deeply and (I'm speaking for him here, but...) he loves me. While our marriage has brought joy, laughter and love, it wasn't enough to stop the fear that I was running from. We all realize someday that other people, great careers, humanitarian work, life experiences, academic achievements and cheap thrills can bring some happiness, but they won't fill us the way we hope.
"You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." - Psalm 16:11
Jesus is life, joy and eternal pleasure. We are all infinitely precious and valuable to God. He is the potter and we are the clay. He created us to be with Him as Father and beloved child. When I finally saw that he is the Way, the Truth and the Life (no one gets to the Father, except through Jesus), I realized he's been chasing me with his love for my entire life. Everything began falling into place with him at the center of it!
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." - Hebrew 12:2
God delights when we see that what we really want and really need is only found in knowing him personally. As a born-again believer in Jesus Christ I see this truth throughout Scripture. Now all I want is to experience more of God and to share this good news with others. Most people are so busy hiding or suppressing their discontentment, it's refreshing and exciting when I meet people who are honest and seeking for the answer. God brings these people into our lives so we can share the light of Jesus.
One thing I can't get over is how the Holy Spirit sends waves of love as I learn more amazing things about God. There's nothing about him is not awesome and there are endless things to learn, forever! I now find real and lasting joy in him and crave more and more every day.
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