"John answered them all, saying, “I baptize you with water, but he who is mightier than I is coming, the strap of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire." - Luke 3:16
"When the day of Pentecost arrived, they were all together in one place. And suddenly there came from heaven a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. And divided tongues as of fire appeared to them and rested on each one of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance." - Acts 2:1-4
Singing worship has always been my favourite part of any church service. Who wouldn’t enjoy singing a song, especially one with a nice tune that’s saying positive things about God? I liked churches that invested time into their bands and had a variety of modern and classic hymns that energised the congregation. However there were always those select few who’d get too "into it”, making someone with my Conservative Baptist and Catholic background feel quite uncomfortable. Why did they have to raise their arms, dance around and randomly shout out? Were they showing off to everyone how much they love God? It was so distracting, irritating and strange to me that I’d stop going to a church that had too much of that happening.
A pastor recently compared the excitement of dedicated fans at a football game to worshippers at church: “Wouldn’t it be good if people who can shout, chant and jump because a ball went into a net were moved to do the same for the Creator of all things?” I’d never thought of it that way and it made sense. I began to wonder if maybe my judgement that people were being falsely theatrical was wrong. Was I the one who sang empty words to a God I barely knew? Maybe those excited displays of worship left me feeling insecure, because I lacked them?
The last session of the beginners Bible study devoted the class to the Holy Spirit and the gift of praying in tongues. (Speaking in tongues is when the Holy Spirit speaks through a Christian in other languages they don't know - world languages and Angelic languages) By the end of the evening my mind was more open to the idea, where before I‘d wanted to be as far away from it as possible. I began to think this distrust was the main thing between myself and God. That night I began praying that I’d open up to all of God and His gifts if He wanted to give them to me.
One week later I visited a church for their young adults session for the first time. I still couldn’t get into worship, because I was too self-conscious and couldn’t still my mind to focus on God. I was praying for trust when the girl beside me (who I hadn’t met - I didn't know anyone yet) began quietly praying in tongues. After a while she began to repeatedly say my name. I heard this, but I didn’t think I was hearing correctly. I held onto my doubts, thinking I misheard her and kept praying for trust. The girl then began to say it more clearly and loudly than before, she must’ve said my name about 10 or more times! Then a woman leapt onto the church stage to say: “God just told me someone here is struggling with trust and these are the verses He wants to share with them…” All of these verses shocked my heart and left me trembling. I prayed to him: “Okay God, I hear you. Thank you.” Honestly, I was more freaked out than excited about it, but I acknowledged Him.
That very same week on Saturday I read my Bible and went for a run. I replaced a few of my usual pop/dance songs with some worship music for the first time. That run was absolutely incredible - I found myself laughing and grinning while praising God in my heart for the 4 miles. As I was cooling down I asked Him “Why do we put things in front of you God? Good things, bad things - you are so much more incredible and perfect!” and as I asked Him my brain cleared for a moment in a way that has never happened to my recollection and a voice that was not my own quietly asked me :
"How do you compare the gift with the Giver?"
Many people won’t believe me or will think I’m nuts and I probably would too if it didn’t happen to me. It’s kind of like if you were abducted by aliens. Would you tell anyone about it and open yourself up to scrutiny, even though you know it happened? I recognised deep in my bones that voice was God. I was wide open to Him in my heart and He allowed me to hear Him. The statement made so much sense to me in that moment and has been incredibly helpful to me in a myriad of ways ever since, but more on that another time. God followed that up the next evening with this excerpt from one of my daily devotionals:
"Do not seek Me primarily for what I can give you. Remember that I, the Giver, am infinitely greater than any gift I might impart to you. Though I delight in blessing My children, I am deeply grieved when My blessings become idols in their hearts. Anything can be an idol if it distracts yourself from Me as your first love." - Jesus Calling, Sarah Young
This is the first time I had read anything about “the Giver” and it absolutely blew my mind. I’ve found that God does this a lot when you ask Him questions, if He reveals the answer He can do it in so many ways. You can’t put God into a box and expect Him to do it your way. If you’re faithful, you’ll know the answers when you see them. His voice was so gentle and sure that day, it’d be so easy to miss. I shared my experience with a Christian friend and she sent me this verse straight away:
"And he said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper." - 1 Kings: 19: 11-12
The joy and peace I felt that day was like nothing I’d experienced before. I told my mom, sisters, close friends and just could not get over it. GOD spoke to ME in my HEAD? He heard my prayers for trust and love and He was showering me with it in abundance just like He promises. ("Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."- Matthew 7:7) Reading the Bible, listening to worship songs and praying all became so different after that. I suddenly had this new sensitivity through faith that He was right there. His words leapt off the pages and made sense in new ways, certain verses brought tears of joy to my eyes and whenever I could be alone I’d find myself singing and raising my arms in adulation to Jesus. My joy in His Presence breaks over me in waves of comforting warmth, my heart leaps and my stomach does flips. I’ve fallen in love with my God! This is the purpose I’d been waiting for all my life: to love God with all my heart and mind and strength and to share this treasure with others.
Soon after this I visited a fantastic church in England where I’d gone in 2007 while studying in London. At the end of the worship the speaker said: “Holy Spirit, please come into this place and fill us.” My arms were raised as he said it and suddenly I felt the sensation again, except this time it was a light steady stream of comforting warmth that went from the top of my head and neck down to my shoulders and further down, feeling fainter as it spread out like a ripple in the water. It kept coming for a while, maybe a minute or two. I was filled with complete peace and began thanking Jesus profusely. Finally the last thing I would describe is that I felt complete and "full". It stayed with me the whole day and I wasn’t able to keep myself from telling my friends - any fear of judgement was so small in comparison to experiencing the completeness of God’s love. I told my friend, “I hope you don’t mind me sharing this with you, I just feel like I’m spilling over…”
"A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." - Psalm 23: 1-6
