Despite those first incredible encounters with God, there were and are still times when my emotions fluctuate and doubt creeps back into my mind. I certainly don't wake up in the morning in a state of exultation and joy. I usually wake up sleepy and grumpy in dire need of some java. When they first started happening I'd get confused whenever I felt "normal" again. Where did you go God? Why didn't I always physically feel Him there? He promised that He'd always be with me after all. Full of frustration I pleaded with God over my breakfast to please explain this to me. About five minutes later I read this passage in my devotional:

"Peace is my continual gift to you. It flows abundantly from My throne of grace. Just as the Israelites could not store up manna for the future but had to gather it daily, so it is with My Peace. The day-by-day collecting of manna kept My people aware of their dependence on Me. Similarly, I give you sufficient Peace for the present when you come to me by prayer and petition with thanksgiving. If I gave you permanent Peace, independent of My Presence, you might fall into the trap of self-sufficiency. May that never be! I had designed you to need Me moment by moment. As your awareness of your neediness increases, so does your realisation of My abundant sufficiency. I can meet every one of your needs without draining My resources at all. Approach My throne of grace with bold confidence, receiving My Peace with a thankful heart." - Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

So this frustrating state of mine is part of His plan for me. We're designed to rely on Him everyday for everything. What happened was not a one-time spiritual transaction giving me complete wisdom and peace there onwards (but Christians can look forward to that after this world). We will unfortunately continue to sin in some way everyday. Sanctification is the process by which we grow in the Lord and become spiritually mature. He starts the work of making us like Christ and then continues it throughout our lives. We're called to pursue it earnestly by meditating on and applying the Word as our main priority. I definitely feel God's presence the most when I'm learning and absorbing how awesome He is.

John Piper explains that finding joy in Jesus isn't always easy - it's sometimes a fight against our own worldly nature to keep the fire of our affections burning for Him. It's completely essential that we come to God for help and guidance everyday. Don't fall into the trap and lose sight of what merits your salvation. God’s acceptance of us is totally based on Christ, not our own works. Religion often tells people that God will love us if we follow the law and change ourselves. This is where the good news gets really mixed up! Jesus defeated sin and death already. He makes us good, we do not make ourselves good. If we see our sin and ask for His offered forgiveness and grace then everything good that changes in us after re-birth is the work of God's Spirit in us. We also have the freedom to reject or deny this gift.